There are 60 seconds in a minute. 60 minutes in an hour. 24 hours in a day. The time it takes for the earth to rotate 360 degrees on its axis. There are 365 days in a year, or 366 if it’s a leap year. The time it takes for the earth to orbit around the sun. Once a year, it reaches the date of the day we were born, and we add a year to our age. We label ourselves by our years. We set ourselves deadlines; of what we want to achieve, and how old we want to be when we achieve it. But life doesn’t care about our deadlines.
As the trees in the forest are the oxygen providers of the earth, the family tree is the backbone of the human race. Some family trees become diseased over time, and branches fall off and become separate from the rest. Thankfully, ours remains as strong as the most ancient oak. From our grandparents, to their three children and their various spouses, to the five grandchildren- now having outgrown their family holiday treasure hunts, and now it’s time for the next generation- you.
This post is a guest post by fellow dating blogger Zainab over at Tinderella Worldwide on a topic this blog has’t yet covered: one night stands. She’s super-lovely so if you enjoyed this post please make sure to check out her blog, and follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
One night stands have a pretty bad reputation. I mean, they’re not something you’d brag about to your extended family, even if Aunty Doris was a stripper. However, they aren’t solely the territory of drunk students and investment bankers and are a lot more widely accepted in society these days. I think. So here are some pros and cons which may help you decide whether they’re your cup of tea.
People blame dating apps for the bad behaviour we see on the dating scene today, but scoundrels have been around since the prehistoric era.
The year was 1959. Maureen had been engaged to marry John, but while serving in the air force, John had decided to pull a disappearing act. Or ghosted, as the term is now. He may not have been swiping elsewhere on Tinder, but shady behaviour has always been present.
It was Friday evening. Maureen went to visit John’s parents. John’s parents liked Maureen. She was petite and beautiful, with a heart of pure gold. What parents wouldn’t want their son to marry her? They expressed their condolences.
I have a confession to make. For a good girl, I’ve often had a tendancy to go for, for want of a better phrase, bad guys.
On my last night out in Tanzania during my gap year, (under the influence of alcohol) I kissed this guy I liked who was generally a bit of a dick and may have had a girlfriend at the time. We also semi-arranged to meet up on my last day. But when he texted me the next day to make plans, I had Taylor Swift’s “Girl At Home” playing on my iPod, and began reflecting. Perhaps in order to stop meeting bad guys, I had to, well, stop meeting bad guys. So I declined the invitation, and that was that. I expected to feel some sort of warm glow for “doing the right thing”, or for karma to align and a nice guy would suddenly appear from the sky. But instead, I just felt empty, and a sense of regret started to creep in. I mean, I was there for one more day. I was never going to see him again. Why not just go, and enjoy a flirt, a bit of attention, and a makeout session?
Who should come first- your friends or your partner? Is it OK to drop your friends for a guy? A question as old as the chicken or the egg dilemma, and one everyone will have a different answer to- that is likely to change with time.
When I was younger, I was very much in the “hoes before bros” camp. The combination of being very tall and very shy meant I was completely dateless throughout my teenage years; while others waltzed in and out of relationships, I was always the single friend. A couple of times, my friends would get into a more serious relationship, and I felt a shift. We’d spend less time together. They’d bring their boyfriend along to events. I got “divorced” on Facebook so my friend could put herself as “in a relationship” with her boyfriend. I got, I suppose, downgraded in their list of priorities, which hurt because they still held the same place in mine. And I mean relationships come and go, but friends are there for life, so they should come first, right?
Something has shifted in the blogosphere. It’s something I’ve been feeling for a while. But no-one has really mentioned it. Until now.
Why is no-one blogging about dating?
A few years ago, I set up an anonymous blog for a bit to document my online dating experiences, along with a random mishmash of travel and lifestyle posts. During this time, Charly Lester’s 30 Dates Blog was in full force (which was one of my favourite dating blogs OF ALL TIME for the record), along with several other big dating blogs. Then, there was a huge community of smaller dating blogs, both on WordPress and on social media. I’d have people comment on my blog, find other cool blogs to follow, and have tonnes of engaging, dating-related content to devour.
It’s Halloween, and to celebrate, I’m writing something themed. I’ve already covered ghosting in this post (summary: don’t do it), so I thought I’d cover a variation of this sadly common occurrence: friend-ghosting. Same principle as ghosting- but you were just friends.
I’ve been a bit of a boomerang when it comes to moving out. I’m currently back home, but I’ve had stints living in London- once for four months, once for just over a year. The first time I was so busy training for my Kilimanjaro climb, fundraising, and writing I kind of neglected the social side, however the second time around I was determined to live the city-girl fantasy life. I had a couple of friends in London, so the plan was to sneak in with their crew and go from there.
A week ago, I was shopping on ASOS. My profile pictures are looking a little tired, so to liven things up I was planning on doing a photoshoot with my photographer friend. I needed a new dress or skirt and top combo that would reflect my “brand”, as it were. Something pretty. Not to smart, not too casual. Feminine, fairly modest but still sexy. Modern traditional. I couldn’t seem to find anything that seemed right. Eventually I settled on one little number, but I just wasn’t sure. I wasn’t that enthusiastic. So I left it.
Later on, I took at look at the River Island website, and saw this gorgeous 1950s style tea dress. In 5 DIFFERENT COLOURS. So I bought my favourite, stuck the others on my Christmas list, and was so happy I didn’t buy the other one.
Sometimes I get frustrated with my lack of progress in dating. I’ve been on the apps for a good few years now but it’s been a fruitless endeavor. Sometimes I worry that I’m going to get older and it’s just going to get harder and harder.
But as I was reading through a post on The Rules Revisited yesterday, I realised that age and dating mishaps bring one advantage: experience. With experience comes lessons learned, that can help you in your dating life moving forward.