What’s in a number? Well if we’re talking about the number or pairs of shoes you own, the number of apps you have on your phone, or the number of charitable causes you’ve aided, not much.
However, when it comes to the number of people you’ve slept with, that number seems to matter. A lot.
Right now, my number is on 0. Or 0.9 to be more accurate, but for the sake of argument let’s just round down. Logically, I know there’s nothing wrong with this. Apart from possibly my ex-boyfriend (and we definitely gave it a go), there’s no-one I’ve met so far that I wish I’d slept with. Yet, at the back of my mind, from the age of 18 onwards, I’ve felt this anxiety. Because you’re supposed to have had sex by the time you’re an adult. Even though I knew other people in the same position and it was fine, and I was happily conservative and unwilling to have a one night stand to rid myself of the stigma, I felt this urge to grab some kind of magic pen and rewrite my life story to include finding love in my teens so it was socially acceptable. I mean, if you haven’t done it by this age, there must be something wrong with you. Besides, no-one wants to date a virgin.
My ideal number would be 1-3, all in relationships. The problem is, you’re kind of expected to have sex before it’s official. And while I don’t think sex should ever be expected, particularly if it’s someone you haven’t known very long, if I was seeing someone, the connection was there, I don’t see anything wrong with going for it if you feel ready. However, men have a tendency to disappear after sex, whether that be after 3 dates, 5 dates, 10 dates. So what do you do, if you have sex with them, and they disappear, AND YOUR NUMBER OF SEXUAL PARTNERS HAS GONE UP FOR NO REASON? Is there a way you could be like “Errm, can I have my vagina back please?”?. Because, your number can’t get too high, you know. You have to be the Good Girl. Relationship Material. Pure. A nice girl, that you can bring home to meet your mum. Besides, no man wants to date a woman who has slept around.
Other women feel differently. My friend has slept with 2 men. One, she dated when she was 17. The other, she met at 18 and now lives with. She’s “SO annoyed” about this. She said she wishes she’d slept around before she met her ex. Because that’s the society we live in. Hypersexualised. Promiscuous. Before you meet The One, you have to sleep with a tonne of men. It’s something you have to experience, otherwise you’re boring, will be incurably shit in bed, and will resent your future marriage due to lack of experience. I mean, that’s what life’s about. Sleeping around. YOLO! Advance the cause of feminism! Don’t be a frigid prude. Besides, men like experienced woman.
I went out for dinner with a male friend last night. He said when he was younger, he was very concerned about his “number”, so to speak. He wanted more notches. As he got them, he got more confident. Sometimes, it wasn’t even about the sex. It was the number. A higher number made him more of a man. In lads mags, they had “wings”. For different sex acts. A wing for anal, a wing for a threesome, and so on. So he tried to collect different wings. Sometimes, he wasn’t particularly interested in the sex act itself. But more wings made him more of a man. Because men are supposed to sleep around. A higher number= a higher quality man. If you don’t have a high number, it’s because you’re a loser who can’t get laid, and you’ll probably be incurably shit in bed too. Besides, women like experienced men.
So, what’s your number?