The Importance Of Confidence When Dating

Last week, I decided to run a little social experiment of Plenty of Fish. My height is currently listed as 5’9″ (I actually came in at 5’8.1″ last time I got measured, but you have to round up to account for the Male Height Exaggeration), and I get some messages, but not the hundreds you hear about women on dating sites getting. So for research purposes, I changed by height to 5’3″ for a day to see what the outcome would be.

The next day, the number of messages I received doubled. They were mostly weird, so no big loss, but I decided to announce my findings on Twitter.


the importance of confidence when dating

I started getting replies of people discussing height, height preferences etc. Then all of a sudden this guy jumps into the conversation, going off on this rampage about how women don’t like shorter guys, if you’re a short man you’re forever doomed, and those women are spiteful bitches. People jumped in to argue, and my Twitter notifications went crazy for the next couple of days.

I had a closer look at this guy’s profile. His Twitter name and handle were related to his height. His bio and entire Twitter feed were dedicated to calling out “heightism”. He’d followed several other bloggers, and started the same argument on their feeds too. And a couple of days later, another blogger posted an article about casual sex, and a guy had commented on it accusing her of only sleeping with “the top 10% of hot men who get all the casual sex”. It was the same guy.

Bloody hell. Talk about bitter.

I could sit here and laugh about how he “can’t get laid”. But that would be immature, pointless, and kind of hypocritical. Let’s face it, we’ve all been at a point where we were frustrated at not getting the results we want in our love lives. And it must be extra frustrating when the perceived source of that lack of success is something you can’t change. But there are ways of dealing with things. He could have created a “Short Man Appreciation” account and made light of the situation. But by creating a victim Twitter account and spewing bitterness at the world, what are you hoping to achieve?

Height helps. Most women aren’t attracted to men who are shorter than them, and a lot of guys aren’t exactly crazy about women taller than them, so more inches= more options. And a man of Calvin Harris-esque stature just has a certain… presence that gets those vagina juices flowing. A shorter man doesn’t have quite the same catchet.

But height isn’t the be-all and end-all. What about confidence? Good looks? Social skills? A lot of men I know are on the shorter side but do well with girls because they have the other 3 in bucketloads. Yeah, I know. If you’re 6’3″, you’ve got an advantage. But which is more attractive? A short guy who’s well-presented, confident, charismatic, kind to others, and generally a lot of fun to be around, or a short guy who’s massively insecure about his height and spends his time causing drama on Twitter? I know which I’d pick any day.

The same is true for women. The results of my very unscientific experiment show that the Ariana Grandes among us have a certain appeal that us leggy girls can never hope to possess. But again, that doesn’t mean that if you’re tall you’re destined to a lifetime in the “meals for one” aisle at Sainsbury’s. At university, a male friend was telling me about a girl he knew. She was pretty, but 6’0″ and massively insecure about it. She had never had a boyfriend, and was convinced it was due to her height. But from talking to the guy (who’s pretty short I might add), I got that it wasn’t her height that was holding her back. It was her insecurity about her height. Another girl from my university was 6’0″ and not particularly attractive, but she was confident and guys liked her as a person so she had plenty of boyfriends during her time there.

Dating is a bit like looking for a job. When I was graduate job-hunting, some of my friends had family members in the industry they wanted to work in, and got given paid internships or even jobs through them. It was shit, but such is life. I carried on interning for free and applying until I got where I wanted to go. In dating, some people have unearned advantages over others, whether it be height, natural beauty, youth, or natural extroversion. Some people have disadvantages beyond their control. But it’s about owning those differences, and making the best of what you have. Staying in shape, presenting yourself well, being confident, and being good at small talk make a world of difference. We all deal with adversity. But it’s how you respond to it that counts.

7 thoughts on “The Importance Of Confidence When Dating

  1. Honest and realistic – couldn’t agree more. Disadvantages can act as a catalyst to develop character. It’s hard to imagine but if Prince (standing tall at a whopping 5ft 3in) didn’t have musical talent, fame and that mysterious aura about him, he probably would be struggling to find a date. I’ve learned to own it and try my best to eat rejection for breakfast. Better to be stoic than to be bitter. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The height thing could be self-consciousness, but it could also be learned behaviour. When I started dating in the summer of 2012, I had a clear idea that I wanted a well-read and educated woman. Everything beyond that was flexible. I messaged women of all shapes and sizes, including women taller than me.

    I never got a single response from a woman taller than I am. I may have mentioned that I was even once told that I was an inch too short. So, if you’re reaching out to people and you realise that a certain demographic never responds to your messages, eventually you are going to give up on that demographic as a lost cause.

    While it could be that men don’t want to date taller women, it could be that just as many have learnt that it’s not worth the effort when they are persistently ignored. That could be another explanation for why you got more responses when you dropped your height?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There’s also a double-standard at play too, I’ve noticed, when it comes to things like height and weight. Listen, I get it – men like a woman that makes them feel big and powerful, women like a man that makes them feel small and dainty. I don’t have a problem with that. However, for many women it’s okay for them to have physical criteria, but then they’ll chastise men for exercising the same right. Although… I’d even say the inverse is true as well. Again, while not to excuse people’s lies or bitterness, they do stem from very real frustrations.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’ve never been bothered about height and have dated guys short, same height and taller than me. My current boyfriend is 6ft and I’m 5ft 8, but it wasn’t his height that attracted to me to him. I noticed a lot when I used dating sites that men always put their height. I think they care more about it than women!

    Corinne x


    1. I’m personally only attracted to guys who are taller than me, but goes to show not all women care and there are plenty of women under 5’6″ so it can’t be height that’s the problem with this guy!


    2. Corinne, no. I can state for a fact that when I was dating, a good proportion of women (perhaps around 20% of profiles) stated a minimum height requirement. It would usually be very specific: don’t contact me if you’re under 5’10”, for example.


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