Top dating blogger Paul Thomas Bell recently wrote a blog post on the top 5 dating mistakes he made (which I would definitely reccomend giving a read!).
Now, when it comes to dating mistakes, I’ve made my fair share. Granted, I’ve had some seriously bad luck. I look back on some situations, and think “I can’t believe that actually happened”. But I’ve also screwed up many a time. So to pass on my pearls of wisdom, or perhaps just give you a good laugh, here are the top 5 dating mistakes I made (in no particular order).
1. Don’t go on a date to a club
On my first ever Plenty of Fish date, I wasn’t 100% sure what the rules of the dating game were, but I figured drinks in a bar would be a safe option. He was coming to meet me in Reading and didn’t really know the area, so let me pick a place. Now I’d been to clubs and pubs in Reading, but I’d never really been to a bar before, but I heard Revolution was a bar in the early evening before turning into a club so I thought I’d give that a go.
The conversation was awkward, and there was nowhere to sit down so we had to sit outside. Much earlier than anticipated, the clubbers started arriving and the music started blaring. We struggled to hear each other speak, and we were surrounded by annoying drunk people. Never again.
2. Don’t go back with a guy and not do anything
Every girl who’s been single a while knows the feeling. You don’t want to sleep around, but you miss the intimacy of being in a relationship and sometimes you just want a cuddle. So sometimes you go back with a guy… and don’t do anything.
However, one time I tried this with a guy I liked who said he was happy with just cuddling. He proceeded to try and push me into doing stuff with him, then got angry when I said no and told me he didn’t want to be with someone who’s “like a log”. Afterwards, he acted like I’d somehow wronged him, saying things “WHY did you not what to proceed?” and “I was so excited about seeing you and seeing what would happen, all that and then NOTHING!”, accusing me of having no sexual feelings, and telling me I’m ugly.
Of course, I’m not saying you HAVE to do stuff, but if you’re not going to it’s best to just not go back with them to avoid situations like this.
3. Don’t take rejection personally
In my first year of university, I quite fancied this guy named Liam from my halls. One of my friends slept with him, told him I liked him, and he then started ignoring me. He went on to pursue other girls, cry over it when they weren’t interested, and basically not acknowledge my existence. I drove myself crazy agonising. WHY DID HE NOT AT LEAST FIND ME ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO GET WITH? Maybe I’m disgustingly ugly, or have a shit personality…
Then one day one of my friends said “Alice… every girl Liam fancies is a slag!”. You’re not supposed to use that term these days but at the time… I just realised, he didn’t want something better, he just wanted something different. Someone louder, someone less innocent. But not better or worse. Just different.
4. Don’t miss opportunities
After A Levels, me and a bunch of school friends went on holiday to Salou in Spain. One night on a bar crawl, we got talking to this group of guys from Leeds after getting into a debate about Leeds vs. Reading festival. And I noticed that one of the guys… was really hot. So I got talking to him at the bar. He bought me a tequila slammer, and eventually we kissed. He asked if I wanted to go back to his hotel room. I said that I don’t really do the whole casual sex thing, expecting him to go and find someone else.
All of a sudden, he was really interested. He gave me his full attention the whole evening, complimented me the whole time, and told me his friends had told him I’m too good looking for him. (Sadly I don’t think this would happen now)
At the end of the evening, one of my friends told me we were going back to our hotel. So I said goodbye then left.
I mean, I’m not saying it would definitely have been a relationship, as he was from up north and could probably get whoever he wanted. But looking back, it would at least have been worth exchanging numbers.
5. Don’t pursue people in relationships
Let’s face it, we’ve all been there with the “forbidden fruit”. I once met this guy I liked while travelling, but unfortunately he was already taken. We reconnected via Facebook while I was planning a trip back to the same neck of the woods, and we fell into a pattern where we’d talk on WhatsApp almost every day.
We talked about our dreams, hopes, and fears, and there was an undeniable sexual tension. It turned out there were loads of problems in his relationship, and they basically should have broken up a long time ago. The glimmer of hope appeared. Maybe once he sees me, he’ll realise that I’m the one for him…
Turned out he just wanted sex, and didn’t respond well to not getting it.
99% of the people in relationships who flirt with others do it because they enjoy the attention, and have no intention of starting a relationship with the third party. So leave that forbidden fruit firmly on the tree and pursue pastures new.
What are the top dating mistakes that YOU made?